Five Times Rory Punched the Doctor
by RicardianScholar Clark-Weasley
Summary: it was times like this where the Doctor wished for Donna or Jackie instead and that was saying something...


_Author's Note: a birthday present to Josie! Happy birthday!_

**After the Cake:**

The pub was filled with cheering as Rory was pushed towards a giant pink-ish fake cake. The cake exploded and Rory was silently praying that Amy would never find out about this.

The back of the Doctor's head appeared out of the cake and moved slowly. As if assessing his whereabouts to make sure he hadn't gotten in the wrong cake. _Which he had. _There was supposed to be a woman in there not the Doctor! "Rory!" the Doctor cried with a grin. "That's a relief! I thought I burst out of the wrong cake...again...that reminds me there's a girl outside in a bikini, someone let her in and give her a jumper? Lucy, a lovely girl, _diabetic_," he whispered the last word. "Now then, Rory," he gave a small applaud. Rory suddenly felt like a little boy being patronised by a teacher. Mr Applebee has never liked him and used to do that whenever he got an answer right. "We need to talk about your fiancée," Rory looked down at his jumper and grinned. Oh Amy, she was the best girl in the world, but why did the Doctor want to talk about her? Did something happen? "She tried to kiss me." His smile fell as he heard the pub gasp in disgust. "Tell you what though, you're a lucky man, she's a great kisser. Funny how you say things in your head and it sounds fine..."

Well...what was a groom supposed to do when a strange man jumps out of his Stag Night's stripper's cake and announced he kissed your future wife?

Rory punched the Doctor. It was badly done and didn't really hurt him but boy it felt good.

And the rest of the pub enjoyed helping him.

**Pandorica:**

"Hey! All of creation has been wiped from the sky. Do you know how many lives never happened? All of the people that never lived? Your girlfriend isn't more important than the whole universe."

Rory was scared, confused, upset, and very, very angry.

First an alien crashes in his best friend's garden breaking a five minute promise to her and causing her to become obsessed with him. Then he comes back and sweeps this best friend who is now Rory's fiancée off her feet and kissing her. Then he takes Rory simply to get rid of Amy's apparently unwanted sexual advances and gets Rory killed. Then Rory thought it was all a dream and he really was just a centurion. Then it turned out he was plastic. And now he just killed the one woman he loved more than anything in the world and the Doctor keeps popping out of thin air with a cheerful smile and no actual information.

And he has the nerve to say that Amy Pond isn't important?

Rory had enough!

"She is to me!" he roared as he grabbed hold of the Doctor's shoulder, turned him round and punched him hard in the face.

The Doctor fell down, jumped back up, looking fairly cheerful, "Welcome back Rory Williams!" he cried out. "I guess I deserved that," the Doctor said more sombrely as he rubbed his eye. There was definitely going to be a black eye later.

"Yeah," Rory said looking at his fist in awe, "you did."

**After the Wedding:**

"What was that for?" the Doctor cried out.

"For making Amy cry," Rory said looking rather pleased with himself.

"I can never win with you!" the Doctor whined as Amy went out quickly to get an ice pack. "I get punched because Amy kissed me. I get punched if I abandoned her for twelve years. I get punched if I make her happy. I get punched for not telling you anything. I get punched if I tell you too much. And now I'm getting punched because I made her cry. Just pick one reason and stick to it!"

"I didn't punch you for the whole twelve years thing," Rory said, "though I should."

"Wait...no...That wasn't you...that was Amy, and she didn't punch me! She knocked me out with a pipe!"

"In her police officer outfit?" Rory asked with a strange dreamy look in his eye.

"Yes! How did you know?"

"I think I need to find Amy," Rory said not answering the Doctor's question. God why do companions do that? Is it their revenge for when he never answers a question they've asked? "Talk to you later, Doctor."

"I want my ice pack!" the Doctor shouted after him.

He never got his ice pack. For some reason Amy didn't come back for hours and Rory went missing too. The Doctor had to search for them since he got a little bit worried that the dinosaur that was locked in the pre-historic room had escaped into the kitchen and ate his companions. It happened once and it took forever to get the companion back in one piece causing all sorts of paradox problems. After searching high and low for them the Doctor grimaced as he found the pair of them naked in one of the spare rooms.

Honestly _humans_ and their need to shag all the time.

He had the TARDIS install bunk beds in Amy and Rory's official bedroom. That would put a stop to it.

**After the Doppelganger melts:**

"Now Rory..."

The Doctor held his hands out in an 'I-Surrender' gesture as he slowly backed away from the very angry nurse. He had his sonic screwdriver in his hand but it was useless against the punch-happy-love-struck-nurse. God for once the Doctor agreed with Jack over the sonic screwdriver, it was useless, he can't calm Rory down by just putting shelves up. On top of that he never thought there would be a day where he'd prefer an angry Donna or an angry Jackie over Rory.

"You knew," Rory accused him, "you knew that wasn't my wife. How long? How long, Doctor?"

"Since America," the Doctor admitted.

It came so fast and hard that the Doctor never saw it. Just felt it. And good god it hurt! He landed on the TARDIS console and hurt himself even more as some levers jabbed into his ribs. Before he could do more than groan Rory grabbed him by the collar and turned him to face him. This was the scariest Rory had ever looked and the Doctor had seen him naked so it was definitely saying something.

"You will fulfil your promise and find my wife. Then you will help me rescue her and my child and if anything happens to either of them, even if it's just a single hair missing, then you will wish you never landed in Amy's garden all those years ago."

Too late. The Doctor already wished he just landed on Jack and had to put up with his flirtations or back in Pete's World and suffered the boring domestics than be here with Rory.

**Over Melody:**

"So let me get this straight, my daughter got kidnapped because they wanted to make her into a weapon."

"Correct."

"My daughter successfully killed you. But not really you because you sent in your doppelganger."

"Again, correct."

"And you knew this because you have a tendency to know everything."

"Well not everything but yes I did know this."

"And yet you still let Amy try to shoot her."

"I didn't le-"

"And you let Melody live on the streets, be used by the Silence, and be terrified of her own shadow for the first seven years of her life. And on top of that, you now know she is River Song."

"Oh come on! You didn't see that one coming either! I heard you and Amy talk about River, you thought she was my wife."

"She better be considering the inappropriate birthday you and your other self gave her!"

"What?"

"Spoilers. So now we established that River Song is Melody and therefore is my daughter, let's list everything you put her through. You let her jump off of buildings-"

"I didn't le-"

"You have kissed her, put her through dangerous situations, left her to rot in a cell, put her through a load of emotional damage, and refuse to actually make her an honest woman through some marriage vows. Do you know what I'm leading up to?"

"Oh Rory the Centurion," the Doctor sighed, "if you're going to punch me can you do it on my left side? You punched my right side so many times I have a permanent bruise."

By the time Rory was finished with the Doctor he had a permanent bruise on the left side of his face to match the right one.


End file.
